RELATIOINS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN
The Islamic Perspective for Muslim Youth growing up in North America
1. Islam
* Islam is a complete way of life that encompasses all aspects of one’s personal and social life. As such, this divine code of life applies to everyone irrespective of time and place. One of the most important aspects of this code of life is its emphasis on our social obligations.
2. Religion Vs. Way of life
3. Love: Our need to love… And to BE loved…
In the beginning…
* There was Adam (a)
* Then there was Hawa (a)
4. Commandment
* One of the first commandments to Adam:
* “ Adam, live you and your wife in the Garden.” (2:34)
* Note: Allah did not say that Adam should live there with his girlfriend, friend, or just a woman. He said to Adam that he should live there with his WIFE. …no lust but a role of husband that comes with responsibilities.
5. Clarification
* Contrary to popular belief…
* LOVE DOES EXIST IN ISLAM!!!
* But in defined parameters
6. Love Defined
* “The believer is an embodiment of Love, and there is no good in a person who does not love and who is not beloved”
* It is part of human nature:
* Innate Feeling
* Natural phenomenon
o Do not be afraid of love, but be afraid of what direction you LET your love lead you
7. Factors of Love
* Marriage/Love is a blessing from Allah.
* Qur’an uses the word “ libaas” (2:187) or
* Garments
* Protectors
* Companions
* Friendship
8. Disillusionment of Love
* Loss of the true essence
* Disillusionment
* Infatuation-Lust
9. Societal Influences
* Movies
* Music
* Non-Muslims/Muslim friends
* Norms of the society
10. Effects of Dating/Pre-marital Relations
* Pseudo-Relationship
o Fakeness
o Insincerity
o “Just to have a good time”
o Superficial
o EXPENSIVE
o In violation of Allah’s commands.
o Door to major sins.
11. Interaction between Genders
* Defined in Qur’an
* “ Come not near adultery, Lo! It is an abomination and an evil way.” (17:32)
* “ Allah commands justice, kindness, and giving to near relatives, while He forbids sexual misconduct, debauchery and insolence. He instructs you, so that you may receive admonition.” (16:90)
12. Interaction between Genders
* In Hadith:
* “ When there are only two, the third is shaitaan”
* “ Give me a guarantee (that you will not misuse) what is between your jaws and what is between your legs, and I guarantee you Jannah”
* Story Time!
o Snow Ball Effect Reality (not theory)
13. Islamic Solution
* Proper Hijaab
* Marriages earlier than the norms of Today’s Society
* Arranged Marriages/ Guided Marriages
14. Hijaab
* Contrary to popular belief-
o Hijaab is a PRACTICE of HAYA and a strong message not just the cloth that sisters wear on their heads
* Defines the interaction between Men and Women
15. Hijaab Defined
o “Tell the believing men to lower their gaze from looking at forbidden things and to protect their private parts, that is purer for them, verily Allah is all aware of that what they do”
o “And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and protect their private parts and not to show off their adornments except that which is apparent”
o (24:30,31)
16. Marriage in Islam
* Contrary to popular belief
o Marriage is the union of two families NOT union of two individuals
* “ How do I know when I’m ready to be married?”
17. Answer
* Questions to ask myself:
* Am I ready to take on the responsibilities of that role (Husband/Wife/Father/Mother)
o – Am I mature enough?
18. Islamic Solution to Dating ARRANGED/Guided MARRIAGES
19. Misconceptions of Arranged /Guided Marriages
* Society Thinks/Says:
* “ How do you marry someone you don’t know?”
* Solution:
* Q:“When your dating, are you seeing that person as they are? Or how they want you to see them?”
* Muslim Extended Family System
20. Internal Misconceptions
* Today’s Muslim Girl’s Fears:
* He’ll keep me:
o Barefoot
o Pregnant
o Cooking all day long
* He’ll have no concept of love at all
21. Internal Misconceptions
* Today’s Muslim brother thinks:
* She won’t be cool to hang out with
* She’ll tell him everything he does is HARAAM.
* She’ll keep him on lock down
22. Arranged/Guided Marriage Defined
* Family system implements overlapping checks
* NO one can force you to marry anyone
* Built on communication
o TWO WAY!!!!!!!
23. Process
* Communicate Early
o If you can’t communicate with your parents call someone who can.
* Trust in Allah
o If its meant to be, it’ll happen, there is nothing that you can do that will make it happen faster.
24. Qualities to look for in a Wife
* Deen
* Wealth
* Family Status
* Beauty
* If you want to be successful, Choose Deen
25. Qualities to look for in a Husband
* Deen
* Amanah
o Akhlaaq
26. Tips
* If marriage looks far off:
o Lower your gaze
o Avoid situations where you might be overcome by lust
o Never let shaitaan give you an excuse to talk to a sister/brother, NOW MATTER WHAT THE SITUATION IS
27. Common Excuses
* Common excuses that shaitaan will give:
* He/She is Muslim
* “ We’re just friends”
* “ our intentions are good”
* “ What’s wrong with it?”
* “ We’re discussing Islam”
* “ We trust each other and ourselves”
28. Fear Allah… The only solution
