Laura El Alam
When people first embrace Islam, they are often filled with energy, optimism, and positivity. The joy of connecting with their Creator and discovering His plan for humanity makes them feel like they have a new lease on life. When they share their new mindset and lifestyle with their loved ones, they might experience a variety of reactions. In the best case scenario, their friends and family are willing to listen, learn, and support them on their journey. Sadly, that is not always the case. Some new Muslims face opposition, hostility, and rejection. They are ostracized by their family or abandoned by their friends.
What should you do if your loved ones reject you because you became a Muslim?
1. Try not to be too worried if their initial reaction is negative. People’s hearts can soften over time. If someone responds in a way that is unsupportive, challenging, or upsetting, you should remind yourself that it might just take a while–months, or even years– for their feelings to settle. Some people find change to be extremely hard to cope with, but over time, many can adapt and broaden their outlook.
2. Don’t try to convince them of Islam by debating, arguing, or attacking their religion. You might feel like you now understand the Truth and you want to share it with them. However, pressure tactics usually backfire. Instead, focus on showing the beauty of Islam through your actions. Be as kind, gentle, and helpful as you can. This will teach them about Islam more than any lecture could, and it will also reassure them that the “new you” is positive, wholesome, and more loveable than ever.
3. Decide who is worth your efforts. In Islam, maintaining family ties is extremely important. If the people who are opposing your conversion are your parents, siblings, or other close family members, you should make a sincere effort to preserve your relationship with them, and God will reward you for any patience you display.
On the other hand, if a friend, colleague, neighbor, or acquaintance rejects you because you chose to become a Muslim, you might want to consider whether this person really deserves to be a part of your life. A worthy person will try to understand your point of view, support you, and want the best for you. So, if someone outside of your close family refuses to respect your new lifestyle, then they are probably not deserving of your emotional energy. Save your efforts for the people who truly matter.
4. Once you have determined that someone is worth your effort and energy, you will need to summon up a lot of patience. If they are unhappy with your conversion, they will likely question your beliefs and possibly even debate or argue with you. One helpful thing to remind them (and yourself) is that each and every one of us is in charge of our own soul. Our primary responsibility is to our personal connection with God, and other people’s approval and opinions do not matter in the crucial decision of Whom to worship. We can still love and respect our family without letting their negativity affect our core beliefs. We can also choose not to debate or argue, especially if the other party is not listening to our point of view.
5. Understand that a variety of emotions might lie behind negative reactions. What looks like anger is often a manifestation of different feelings: fear (of losing you, or of stereotypes they have about Muslims), anxiety (about how their life and/or your relationship might change now that you are a Muslim), sadness, or even insecurity.
It’s quite possible that they aren’t aware of their true feelings, or they don’t know how to identify – much less verbalize – their feeling of “I love you and I don’t want to lose you.”
If someone is lashing out when you tell them about your decision to embrace Islam, you can say something like, “I can see this is hard for you to accept right now. Just know that I love you and I intend to keep being a good daughter/sister/friend to you. Someday I hope you will find a way to support me because I am happy with my choice, and my dedication to Islam is making me a better person.”
6. Recharge your battery with supportive people. All the negativity can be draining and might even take a toll on your iman (state of heart, or spiritual health). Make sure to spend time with Muslims who teach and inspire you. If possible, join a class for converts to learn more about your faith, make friends, and find sympathetic listeners. If you find that certain people in your life are so toxic that they are making you doubt Islam, then take a break from those people. Nothing is more important than your faith, and you must guard it carefully.
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